For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
