Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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