Cold hands, warm shart.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
