I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
