this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
