Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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