You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
