dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
