shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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