I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
