I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Randomize
