Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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