how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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