went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
