i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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