4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
