Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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