I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
