Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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