Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
