do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
