She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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