he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
