it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize