Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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