He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
40s are totally the cure
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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