Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
