Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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