As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
