thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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