Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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