i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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