we're blogging at a bar
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
