Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
