so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
be right there i have to get my cape
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
