i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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