My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
