if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
sarcasm needs its own font
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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