A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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