im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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