i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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