He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
