I am full of burrito and curiosity
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize