she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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