Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
