I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
