You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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