More tranny stories later!
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
