Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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