my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
