my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
honey bunches of taint.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
