i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't think brook has ever known best
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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