All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
