It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize