You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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