so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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