My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
