Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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