i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
