its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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