somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
