Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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