There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
