I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize