two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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