i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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