Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
