South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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