Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
