your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
