i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
