Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
