Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
