oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
