Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
