yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
